With a sigh, I roll onto my back and stroke my cock a little so I don’t lose my erection and have to start all over.
But James returns almost immediately, with Noah in his arms.
“Babe,” I say. “We talked about this. You can’t bring him into bed with us every time he cries.”
Though I have to admit, he does look pitiful in the glow of our soft lamp. His cheeks are damp from tears, his lashes wet. He has a snot bubble forming, and he’s shuddering like he just endured something terrible and Daddy rescued him.
“I know. Just five minutes, then I’ll rock him back to sleep.”
James can’t be firm. This is something we’ve already figured out. I’ve been relegated to the role of firm father and while I don’t necessarily love that, it does suit my personality better than it does James. Noah is going to be very well loved, if a little indulged. But hey, James can’t say no to me either, so I’m not complaining.
“Let me hold him,” I say, reaching out to take Noah. “I don’t want him to always associate me with being the hard ass.”
“I like you being the hard ass. With both of us.” James gives me a grin as he passes over Noah and sinks back into bed with a sigh.
“He’s probably just pissed you make him wear this bag thing,” I say, settling Noah against my chest, my back against the headboard. “There’s no freedom of movement.”
“I’m not going over all the reasons why a sleep sack is appropriate for a four-month-old.” James rolls onto his side and props his head up with his hand, running a hand down over Noah’s back.
“Please don’t. I’ve heard it all before.” I kiss the top of Noah’s head. “Now that we’ve been interrupted, this is a great opportunity to talk about what happened earlier tonight. How are you feeling about all of it?”
James sighs. “Well. I didn’t want Caroline to cut things short with us, that’s for sure. I also didn’t realize Grayson’s feelings were that strong—that he felt like he had to end it. I knew that he was falling in love—hell, it was obvious. So I guess I assumed he’d want every minute with her before she left. I know I do. But I totally get where he’s coming from when it comes to Evelyn, though. He has a huge responsibility to his daughter.”
I knew that was what he would say, and I agree with all of it. I just don’t think that either Grayson or James, who is also in love with Caroline, are seeing the big picture. “You’re in love with her, too.”
He nods. “Yes. I do love her. Like I told her. I’ve always loved her.”
“And you’re in love with her and you miss her already and are going to miss her even more when she’s officially left the country. I just want you to know it’s okay to feel that way.”
“You care about her, too.”
“I do. I really care about her. She’s an amazing person. A great friend, and an incredible lover, an excellent nurturer to both of our kids.” To lighten the mood, I add, “She has great tits, too, by the way. That needs to be said.”
James laughs, but his heart isn’t in it. “I just want…more. But I feel selfish even saying that.”
“Selfish toward me or selfish toward her?”
“Both. I don’t want you to think this isn’t enough.” He reaches out and strokes his fingers over my bare shoulder. “You’re enough.”
“I know that. None of these things are mutually exclusive. That’s what I wish everyone could understand. We can all love each other and be together or love each other and not be together. But let’s be honest, together is better.”
James is quiet for a second. “So you would be fine with us being a foursome in a permanent, serious relationship?”
“Yes. Absolutely. Raising our kids together, the whole thing. We all bring something different to the relationship and to parenting and to each other. But I don’t want any old foursome. I just wantthisfoursome. It’s either the four of us or it’s you and me.”
“But this isn’t what Caroline wants.”
I shrug. “Let’s give her space. I don’t think she’s even had time to wrap her head around Grayson declaring his love for her, and then breaking up with her thirty seconds later. Or maybe it was breaking up with her and then telling her he loved her after. At any rate, it was kind of a one-two punch.”
James snorts. “That was very Grayson Reed, wasn’t it?”
“It’s called let-me-be-vulnerable-and-then-make-sure-I’m-not-immediately.”
“I get the feeling Grayson has never been in love before now.”
“Which is tragic.” I smooth a hand over Noah’s head—who is, of course, sleeping peacefully because he’s lying on my chest.
Not that I blame him. We’re not meant to be alone. None of us are.
