Cas nods. “We didn’t know what we were missing before Grayson came along. But he completed the picture. We’re better with him. If the three of us try to go on, it’s going to feel like something is missing and you know it. Besides, we can’t do that to him. It would hurt Grayson, no matter what he says."
Fuck. I cross my arms over my stomach and squeeze. He’s right. And I want all of them. But it’s not just my body that wants them.
And I need to get out of here.
“I have to go,” I say, my voice choked.
They don’t seem surprised by that either.
“Let us drive you home,” Cas says, heading for the side table where he keeps his keys.
But I’m already at the door. I yank it open. “No. I need to just…go."
They don’t try to stop me again, and a minute later, I step out onto the sidewalk in front of their building. I glance at the front of the building, and the window that looks into James’s studio with the big Daddy and Me class sign in the window. I feel like all the oxygen has been sucked out of my lungs.
I start walking toward Frannie and Fiona’s beach house. I feel like I’m moving through a fog. Nothing is quite clear. The sounds around me sound muted, the sights are hazy. But I know it’s my brain, and the emotional swirl rather than real life.
I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I’m normally a very even-keel person and I definitely wasn’t expecting tonight to include emotions beyond lust, pleasure, and enjoyment.
What am I feeling? I think I’m a little shocked. I know I’m sad.
So, my situationship ended. I knew that was going to happen. Just because I didn’t expect it to happen tonight doesn’t mean I need to act like the world is ending. This was never going to be a long-term thing.
It’s not like I broke up with my boyfriends. From the beginning, we knew this was going to end when I left. So we’re two weeks ahead of schedule, so what?
I stop at the corner and take a deep breath.You’re fine, I tell myself.You don’t have to feel this crushing sense of loss. You and James and Cas are still going to be friends. And you can be friends with Grayson, eventually, too.
No, Grayson Ross doesn’t seem like the type to be friends with his exes.But you’re not his ex, I remind myself.He wasn’t your boyfriend. He was just a guy. You had some really hot, dirty sex with a few times.
But even as I think the words, they don’t sit right. Grayson was more than that.
Probably because of Evelyn,I tell myself.You got attached to his little girl. You felt more bonded because you helped him out at a very vulnerable point in his life. You’re going to miss Evelyn, not Grayson.
I take a deep breath. Yeah, that sounds good. I call up my rideshare app and see if there are any cars in the immediate area. It looks like I can have someone pick me up in two minutes and take me to Raw.
I think I want to go out. I was supposed to be busy tonight, and that fell through because Grayson ruined it.
That doesn’t mean I can’t have any fun, though.
I think about asking James and Cas to join me at Raw for a drink. As friends. I can show them I’m fine and that we can immediately go back to being just friends. We can go out. Casually. As fuckingfriends.
Then I shake my head. No, not fucking friends. Just friends.
But the car pulls up just then before I make a decision about texting James. So I get into the car by myself.
Honeysuckle Harbor is small enough that the drive to the restaurant doesn’t take long. I am walking through the front doors, trying to paste on a smile just a few minutes later.
“Hi,” I say to the hostess at the front. “Can I just sit up at the bar? And I’d love it if you could tell Frannie and Fiona that Caroline is here.”
The hostess is looking at me with wide eyes.
“Okay,” she says.
I frown. Why is she acting weird? “Is something wrong?” I ask.
“Um–” She starts
But just then a tall, broad shouldered man approaches me quickly. “Ma’am, are you okay? Can I help?”
