Oh. Relief washes over me, and I guess he can tell because he chuckles again. I brace for some snarky jab about my reaction, but it never arrives.
“So, you’re playing babysitter?” I ask, picturing Connor in the midst of teenage chaos. It’s a strangely endearing image.
“Not exactly. She’s nearly fifteen—thinks she’s all grown up. But I give them free rein of the home theater for their game wars. It’s the only way she’ll hang around me these days. Apparently I’m the most embarrassing part of her teenage years and she refuses to be seen with me in public.”
Another shriek sounds in the background. Someone just won a round.
“I’m sorry she’s embarrassed,” I say, a smile creeping in despite myself.
“Yeah, well, so am I.”
“You sound like a pretty cool uncle, scandalous reputation aside. My uncles never spent time with me. Actually they’re all dead now so that’s good. But when they were alive, I only saw them at each other’s funerals . . .” I ramble on. “But that was okay, their nostril hair situation was a bit of a deterrent.”
His laughter rumbles through the phone, a deep, sexy sound that hits me right in the girly bits. I like how I can make himlaugh like that. “If only I could convince my niece I’m a cool uncle. She remains unimpressed. And my nose hairs are under control.”
“I just figured you’d spend your nights living up to the media image—guzzling champagne off supermodels’ ass cheeks and rolling around naked on piles of money.”
“Not every night, Lexi,” he replies with a hint of sarcasm. “Sometimes I’m just a regular guy trying to connect with his family.”
My stomach does a little flip at his sincerity.
“A regular guy, huh? I’m beginning to think you might actually be a nice guy.”
In fact, I’m starting to think there’s a side of Connor that only a lucky few get to see. Those either handpicked by him or connected by family ties.
There’s a pause on the line before he says, “I am—to the people I care about.”
For some reason, his words sting a little. Logically, it makes sense. Yet, it feels like he’s caught himself being too genuine, too open—with me, of all people. So he had to remind us both who I really am to him.
I push down the growing annoyance and pivot back to business. “Can we meet to sort out the details of your big date? I need to line up the right media to capture your love-struck performance. America needs to buy into this fairy tale. See you do romance.”
He makes a derisive sound. “I know how to romance a woman, Lexi.”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see. “Yes, I gathered from your trail of jilted supermodel exes that you’re quite the romancing expert. But this performance needs to convince all of America, not just the ladies.”
“All right. Drop by my office first thing tomorrow.”
I try to sound breezy. “I’m starting to think you set these dawn meetings just to torture me.”
His laugh gets my heart racing—a fact that annoys me more than I’d like to admit. “I prefer to clear the annoyances off my plate bright and early. Makes the rest of my day brighter.”
“Charming as always,” I reply drily. “Good thing no one else gets to experience this delightful side of you.”
His voice drops a register. “Only those foolish enough to try to fuck me over, angel.”
Just like that, the brief glimpse of “regular guy” Connor is gone. He’s back to reminding me exactly who he is.
“All right, then, good night,” I say, cutting the call short before my mouth runs away with me. My phone lands on the table harder than I meant to throw it.
Connor’s never going to let my “betrayal” go. We seem to take one step forward, two steps back in this exhausting dance.
And the truth is, I did fuck him over. My reasons came from a pretty desperate place, sure, but they don’t erase what I did. No matter how I spin it, I know I lost a piece of myself that night that I’ll never get back.
He thinks he can’t forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself either.
Sometimes I think I should come clean to him. Yet, the more sensible side of me sees the mountain of debt, the bills stacking up, and Mom and Grace depending on me. It’s too big a gamble, no matter how much the lie gnaws at me.
I wish I could make him understand the impossible corner I was shoved into. Though I suppose it hardly matters anymore.
