I’m rooted to the spot, smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. “You’remy boyfriend?”
As if in slow motion, I watch an avalanche of oats plunge down his beard.
“No,” Priya interjects hastily. “He’s your roommate.”
“Huh.” The bearded guy looks at me, still chewing, flicking oat bits in his beard. “So the memory loss is for real? I thought your friend Matty was high.”
I stare in disbelief, hoping he’ll vanish with each blink. How did I end up with this random, bearded dude as my roommate? I can’t stand sharing my living space.
Priya touches my arm gently. “You needed help with the mortgage.”
“You don’t think a little warning about this would have been good?” I hiss. “That’s a big thing to omit.”
She throws her hands up in defeat. “Look, sorry. We were so preoccupied with worrying over how you’d respond to the sex shop that I completely forgot about Spider here.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” I sink onto the bar stool beside the kitchen island, and my gaze falls onto crumbs that I credit this guy for.
“But I always had my mortgage under control.” I turn to Priya, aghast. “Always.”
“Well, you had a bit of a rough patch, Luce. And unfortunately, Spider was the only one who wasn’t put off by all the cock rings downstairs.”
My new housemate raises a leg to scratch his backside as he turns his attention to whatever show he’s watching. This entire mess is all thanks to the plastic floozy in the window downstairs.
“I’m living with a man I don’t know,” I murmur, mostly to myself. Then louder to him, “Did you say your name’s Spider? Like the bug?”
His fork stops mid-air. “Are you serious?”
“Yes,” Priya answers for him, her voice sharp. “This is Spider.”
I inhale deeply. I would have preferred an infestation of the actual arachnids over this slob. At least they’re tidy.
“How long have you been living here, Spider?” I resent the stupid nickname as soon as it leaves my mouth. How would someone acquire that nickname? Does he have a talent for scaling walls or something?
He sets the saucepan down. “Woman, you gone full psycho?” He shakes his head, muttering, “Half a year.”
“Uh-huh. And what do you do?” Judging from the state of the place, he’s not a professional de-clutterer.
“I’m a life drawing model.”
My eyes widen. That’s a job? “Please don’t tell me you do that here!”
“Nah. I go to art studios around the city.”
I breathe a small sigh of relief. Small mercies. “Why are you eating out of my saucepan?”
He shrugs. “It’s just easier, isn’t it?”
“But that’s my special saucepan for making jam.”
Suppressing the urge to deep clean the whole apartment, including the strange Spider man, I whimper and decide it’ll be a task for future Lucy.
I look at Priya, who’s already halfway to my bedroom with my bag.
“Let’s take you to your bedroom, Luce.”
“Okay,” I squeak.
“Hey,” Spider calls after us. “Don’t forget you agreed to lower the rent.”
