“He’d hate that,” she echoes what I was thinking. I resolve then to do something about Axel’s hair before he wakes. “Hey, Axe,” she whispers, “it's me. I’m here. We’re together now.” Watching her cup Axel’s cheek, cradling him with such vulnerability, shatters something inside me. The boys can come and go, containing their emotions to visiting hours, but Avery understands. I’m not alone in this anymore. She’ll stay with me, talk to him with me, and feel this crushing, unbearable pain with me.
Dropping to my knees, as if my legs have been holding on just long enough for someone to take over, I kneel beside her, lowering my head onto her thighs, and for the first time in two days, I let myself cry.
Chapter Fourteen
I hold Garrett until his shoulders cease to shake, holding up the weight of everything crashing down on him all at once. His hands are fists in my lap, being brushed lightly by my thumb running over his white knuckles.
“Garrett,” I whisper. He flinches slightly but doesn’t pull away. His head drops forward onto my thighs, dark strands of his hair falling across his face as he chokes out a shuddering breath. “You gonna be okay?”
“I’m not-” His voice cracks, raw and broken. “I’m not used to feeling this way.”
“I know.” My hands shift to his hair, running through the damp strands. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“It’s okay,” Garrett murmurs.
My eyes rove over the man in the bed. He doesn’t look like himself under the harsh lighting, his skin pale and his hair longer than I’ve ever seen it, in short, gray spikes covering his scalp. On his wrist, just above the hand I’m holding, is a very familiar compass bracelet. My chest tightens so sharply, I forget how to breathe, but I don’t let Garrett know it. He has enough to worry about.
The heart monitor beeps routinely, the only reminder that Axel is still with us. He’s so still, his lashes fanning his cheeks and his mouth slack. I’m praying behind those eyelids that he’s not suffering. That he’snot stuck in his own version of hell with us helplessly waiting on the outside.
At some point, as my mind ping-pongs between overthinking and becoming a blank slate, Garrett twists. He places himself between my legs, facing the bed. His head lies back, still being massaged by my hand while the other holds Axel’s. Garrett can’t see him, so his eyes find me instead.
Endless dark pools of emotion, swirling and staring. I succumb and tilt my head downward, drawing my hand over his cheek. His face presses against my palm, his warmth a contrast to Axel’s cool touch. A touch of wetness seeps through my leggings, rogue, silent tears seeping from Garrett’s eye. the curve of my neck, and I feel the damp warmth of his tears soaking into my skin.
“I’m here,” I remind him, rubbing his jaw in soothing strokes. “I’m not going to let you go through this alone.” His breath hitches, and then the dam breaks. A gut-wrenching sob tears from his chest, his hands clenching onto my arm and wrist like he’s afraid I might disappear. I tense my thighs around his shoulders, holding him as tightly as I can, rocking us gently in place, whispering soft reassurances even as my own tears threaten to spill over.
But I refuse to let them fall.
Garrett’s pain is palpable, heavy in the air between us. It’s in the way his body trembles, in the raw sound of his cries, in the desperate way he clings to me. He’s been shouldering this burden, carrying a weight that no amount of humor can penetrate. His heart is breaking.
After what feels like an eternity, his sobs begin to subside again. His breathing evens out, though it’s still shaky, and his hold on me loosens just enough to turn himself into my thigh, hugging my leg. I don’t try to shift him from the floor, figuring it’s where he wants to be. Where the ground is a solid presence, he can’t fall through, and I’m this anchor. I keep my hand on his face, grounding him, as I look down into his tear-streaked face.
“Right, come on. We can’t have Axel seeing you like this,” I tell him, firm but gentle. Garrett’s glistening dark eyes meet mine. I offer him a small, tentative smile, despite the wave of sadness that strikes everytime I see his bruises. “The best thing is to be our usual selves; give him a sense of normalcy. I’ve been here for almost an hour, and I’ve yet to see youeat anything.” His lips twitch upward in the faintest response. There he is, simmering under the surface.
The quiet is shattered by the sudden thud of a bag hitting the floor. Garrett and I both jump, startled, and our heads whip toward the door. Dax is standing in the doorway, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, and his blue eyes wide and rimmed with exhaustion. One of his hands is bandaged around a splint holding his fingers straight. His usual softness is nowhere to be seen, replaced by something hard and sharp. I swallow, watching it pass as he blinks, clearly expecting me to disappear like a mirage.
“Avery,” he gasps, seeming rooted in place. Huxley crashes into his back, the pair of them narrowly avoiding tripping over the duffle bag on the ground. Hux’s brown gaze hits me like a sledgehammer, my resolve threatening to crack again. Although that’s not what straightens my spine and steers my voice to sound so steady.
“Where have you been?” I raise a brow. Garrett remains curled against my leg; his arms slack now, his breathing slow and steady. I feel him shift slightly, angling himself away from the door like he’s not ready to face them with his face stained and eyes puffy. My free hand continues to stroke his hair, my touch soft and rhythmic, grounding him and myself.
“Us?” Huxley frowns around a split lip, a scoff of disbelief escaping him. I get the irony, but my body remains tense, taut with accusation.
“Yes, you. I walked into an absolute mess in here. Someone should have stayed with Garrett.”
“Well,excuse me,” Huxley flies into full defensive mode. “If any more of us demanded to stay overnight, security would have had us all escorted out in handcuffs. We had to make a truce and stick to visiting hours. What else were we—” Dax places his good hand on Hux’s shoulder, settling his rant down to a muttered simmer. Stepping over the bag, Dax slowly crosses the room. His head is nodding, his eyes sunken.
“You’re right, we’re late. We ran into town for supplies. We don’t usually take this long.” Lowering onto his knees at my side, he leans into my side, breathing me in. Warmth stirs at his presence, and as I open my arm to hug him, he presses his face against my ribs. “I’ve missed you.”
Dax’s quiet admission sends a ripple through me, his words lacedwith exhaustion, relief, and perhaps guilt. My arm tightens around him while I shake my feet from my shoes and cross my legs over Garrett’s middle. All the while, Axel has my outstretched hand.
“I’ve missed you too,” I reply, threatening to fall into the sea of blue blinking up at me. Somehow, the edges of my memory had forgotten just how beautiful he is in person. How viscerally my heart reacts to him. He’s here. They’re all here, barring one who seems to have lost his way.
Huxley stands frozen just inside the doorway, his eyes darting between me, Garrett, and Dax. His jaw works, tension etched into every line of his face, but he doesn’t say anything. Not yet. Instead, he steps forward, his movements slow and deliberate, like he’s not sure if he’s welcome.
“We’ve been through hell this week,” Hux mutters, tinged with concern. His gaze locks on Axel, silently sleeping, and then slides to me. “For multiple reasons.” Coming to stand just behind me, Huxley lets out a weighted sigh, raking a hand through his blonde hair. “Sorry for being away so long, Gare. I could lie to you and say town was busy, but truth is I wasn’t in a rush to get back. I can’t stand looking at Axel like… this.”
Like a siren on the shore, Garrett blinks out of the numb ravine he’d slipped into. I feel him startle at how close everyone is. There’s a long pause before he lifts his head slowly, his eyes bloodshot and heavy-lidded as he briefly meets Hux’s gaze.
“It’s fine, man. I get it.”
