“You don’t talk much, huh?” Jimmy asks over the sound of the radio. I shrug, not sparing a glance away from the window.
“Just thinking is all.”
“About your girl waiting for you?” Jimmy reaches over to elbow my arm, bobbing his eyebrows rapidly. I clench my back teeth together, not bothering to explain how much Avery isnotmy girl. Clearly, this small town doesn't read the tabloids often.
“She’s probably long gone by now,” I sigh, scratching a hand over my jaw. Jimmy’s smile fades but his curiosity is piqued.
“Why’s that?”
Looking up, I search for patience and find little. “I told her to. She’s better off without me.” A solemn atmosphere settles in the cab, punctuated by a small humming sound from my temporary companion.
“Hmmm. Well, they say the best way to love someone is to let them go and see if they come back.”
“I don’t love her,” I answer far too quickly. Surprised by my own reaction, I settle back into the seat, deciding I need to take a long, hard look at myself in the mirror later. Probably followed by an hour of screaming in the shower until I have no voice left to say stupid shit to strangers.
“Fair enough.” Jimmy chuckles low, the sound rumbling through the cab. His attention shifts back to the road, but I catch the faint smirk still lingering on his face. I tighten my jaw, my fingers twitching against my thigh. The silence between us feels heavy now, only interrupted by the hum of the engine and the occasional excited bark from Baxter.
The forest blurs past the window, and my thoughts circle back to Avery like they always do. I try to focus on the trees, counting them, measuring the distance between their trunks, anything to avoid the gnawing ache in my chest. But her face creeps in, her wide smile and large eyes gleaming with affection. I’ve seen her look at the others like that. I make sure it’s never meant for me.
“Doesn’t seem like you don’t love her,” Jimmy says after a beat, his voice casual but probing. I whip my head toward him, but he doesn’t look at me. His gaze stays fixed on the road, one hand still lazily stroking Baxter’s fur.
“What do you know about it?” I snap, all of my irritation flaring back up in a second. Jimmy finally glances my way, his expression calm, almost pitying.
“Not much,” he admits, “but I’ve seen enough men like you to know when one’s lying to himself.” My chest tightens, the truth of his words landing harder than I want to admit. I shift in my seat, turning back toward the window, the reflection of my face barely visible against the darkened glass.
“She’s better off without me,” I repeat, this time quieter, as if saying it softer will make it true. Jimmy doesn’t press further, and for that, I’m grateful. The drive stretches out in silence, my thoughts growing heavier with every passing mile.
Love. What would be the point of loving her? In fact, it would be the worst thing I could do. It would drag her down and smother her in my darkness until she couldn't breathe. Avery deserves more than that. She deserves light and softness—things I can’t give her no matter how much I want to. I dig my nails into my palm, the pain a welcome distraction.
“Irish wolfhound, I reckon,” Jimmy says after a good long while. I glance over and raise a brow at the sudden announcement. “Your dog. From the fur, I’d say he’s part Irish wolfhound. We had a mutt when I was growing up, same wiry fur. He was a fantastic dog, boundless energy, extremely loyal. My pops never let me have any pets, but one day this dog started following me home from school. I called him Wolfy and fed him my sandwich crusts so my mom thought I ate them. Then Wolfy started coming in the house, stayed in my bedroom.”
Maybe it’s the need to talk about anything else, but I find myself contributing to the conversation. “And your dad, he let you keep him?” Jimmy grins again, his eyes dropping to meet with Baxter’s.
“He didn’t know. Too busy with his affairs, see. By the time he noticed a scruffy dog wandering around the kitchen, I was about ready to graduate from high school, and it was too late by then. Wolfy was only with us a few more months, but I sure loved that mutt.” Jimmy smiles at Baxter and gives him a stroke between his ears. I turn back to the window, giving them their privacy.
Before I know it, we’re pulling into the garage, and my nails have embedded half-moon bloodied marks into my palms. I have an idea of what I’ll find when I hop out of the truck, or rather, what I won’t find. I gave her an out. She’d be a fool not to take it and run while she can.
Pulling myself to stand straighter, I plaster on a blank expression and follow Jimmy into his small office. It’s more of a storage cupboard, with spare parts and paperwork covering what I presume is a desk underneath. He shows me to a chair and grabs a notepad before leaving me alone with my thoughts once more. It’s a dangerous place to be, so Ilatch onto the distant radio instead. There’s a segment on about trying to reconnect old, jilted lovers through the phone lines. Fuck.
“So, damage isn’t all that bad,” Jimmy returns some time later. I’d lost myself to the bubbles running through the water dispenser. Dropping into a chair hidden by coats, he shoves things around for some space on the desk to show me his scribbled list. “Mostly cosmetic. The rear panel will need replacing. I can bang out the side doors and that big dent in the hood, and replace the windows, no issue. Will need new tires on the right side. You’re lucky all that rain didn’t do any internal damage with the car left on its side like that.”
“Do you have the parts here?”
Jimmy looks around and then strains to peer back towards his workshop. “I have a few odd bits I can piece together, but they won’t be the same color or official BMW supply. If you wanted those, I’d need to order them in.” I quickly wave my hand. At this rate, I think I’ll order Hux a brand new SUV and scrap this one once it’s got me to where I’m going.
“That won’t be necessary. Just enough to get back on the road.”
Jimmy nods, jotting down some prices and notes. “Alright then. Give me a few days, and I’ll see it done.” He stands, and I quickly follow suit. There’s no point delaying the inevitable. I may have arrived as half of a pair, but I expect I’m leaving alone. She’ll be long gone by now.
“Name your price to have it ready by tomorrow morning.” At this, Jimmy smiles a wide, toothy grin. We settle up our business, and I grab my backpack from the cab. There’s barely anything left in it now, except for a few spare clothes that need washing, my toothbrush, and a blank notepad. I didn’t think too hard on the reasons for grabbing it at the last minute. It just feels soothing to have one nearby.
Heading out of the open garage, Jimmy rushes up behind me, his smart phone in hand with a message open on the screen.
“Looks like you’re in luck,” he smiles, his eyebrows dancing again. I peer at the message, although Jimmy gives me a playful shoulder barge. “She’s stayed after all.”
“What are you talking about?” I frown, brushing down my shoulder as if I’m not in a sweatshirt that’s grubbier than Jimmy’s wife beater. Producing a handful of business cards from his pocket, he flicks through them until he produces the one he’s looking for.
“There’s a room sorted for you at Bonnie’s Bed and Breakfast. Ask at the reception for details. They don’t accept pets though, I’m afraid.” Jimmy gives Baxter a forlorn look that doesn’t look anything like regret. Another situation that appears out of my control.
