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That simple interaction reminded me of everything I’d lost while simultaneously making me feel like I’d done something wrong in moving on.

I don’t know how to square that.

After a sleepless night, I get out of bed early Thursday morning, feeling more clarity than I have in days. If I’m going to make things right with Iris, there’s something I need to do first.

Something I maybe should’ve done a long time ago.

Something I don’t want to do at all.

I pull out my phone and send a text to Val:

Matteo

Can you handle lunch service today?

Val

Yes, Chef.

Matteo

Thanks

Val

Where will you be?

Matteo

There’s something I need to do.

Val

Hopefully it’s getting your head out of your

Matteo

Val

xoxo

Then, I type out a simple text to Iris.

Matteo

I heard you loud and clear last night. I’m sorry for being distant.

I’d like to see you, but I have to take care of something first.

Then, I add:

Don’t give up on me yet.

And my thumb hovers over the button before I take a breath and send it.

Am I asking too much?