Page 106

No amount of reason will convince me that something isn’t happening between us right now. And there’s not one shred of logic that stands a chance over the sound of my pounding heart.

Slowly, I start to move, wanting him to hear the words I’m too scared to say out loud—Please kiss me.

I hold eye contact, another inch closer, my mind spinning. Is this really about to happen? My gaze drops to his lips and?—

His gaze falls away.

I freeze. Humiliation rushes to my face, and I quickly stand, “Oh, gosh. I . . . shoot.”

I misunderstood. I projected. I—need to go. I try to put my hands on my hips, and they don’t feel comfortable there, so I cross them, and that doesn’t feel right either. I shift, awkward. Deflated.

Where do I put my hands?!

“I should—” I start and then stop.

I feel so stupid.

“I’m going to go. We can talk about the paper tomorrow. I’m sure you’re exhausted.” I take a couple of steps toward the door.

He stands. “Iris?—”

I shake my head. “Sorry. I know you’re tired. I shouldn’t have bothered you tonight.”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t bother me.”

At that, I dare to meet his gaze.

“I just—” He blows out a breath, turning away and pushing a hand through his hair. “I can’t?—”

“It’s fine, really,” I say, not wanting him to feel like he has to let me down easy, especially when nothing really happened. I start toward the door.

“Hey. Wait.”

I stop, and I can feel myself start to fidget.

“Stop by the restaurant tomorrow,” he says. “We’ll, you know, figure out how to get Sophie her, uh, dirt and?—”

“Perfect.” I cut him off, turning to walk toward the door. I stop before I pull it open. “But you’re not feeding me again,” I say, desperately trying to find an ounce of levity here.

He shrugs. “We’ll see.”

I stand there, awkwardly, for a beat too long, knowing I’m going to have to work really hard not to replay that moment on the couch on a loop in my head.

Even now, my face is on fire just thinking about it. I’msuchan idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking. I am obviously not what he wants.

I slip out the door, close it behind me, and before I get back to my apartment, I burst into tears.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Matteo

I stand,staring at the door Iris just closed.

I lean forward and let my forehead fall against it.

Out loud, I ask one simple question. Aimed directly at myself. “Whatare you doing?”

I wanted to kiss her. My desire for her was so overwhelming, I almost gave in. And it’s been years since that was a battle I had to fight.