Page 90 of Addiction

“He knows there’s something between us and keeps on trying to get me to admit it. But again, I’ve done what I’m good at and run straight for the bottle.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared. I’m scared of wanting something I’ve craved for so long. Of messing things up before I’ve even given myself a chance to enjoy it. I’m scared of things I’ve no reason to be afraid of. Does that make sense?”

He nods. “Wade’s a good man, Asher. One who will listen if you just talk to him.”

“I know.”

I pick at the fabric of the couch, wondering what I’m going to say to him when I see him next. Not only do I owe him an explanation but also an apology for the way I’ve behaved. I have been so caught up in rationalizing my thoughts that I’ve lashed out. I may not have hurt him physically, but words can hurt just as much.

Looking over at Grayson, I find him lost in his thoughts, an expression on his face that makes my stomach drop. I’ve seen it before. He too is hurting right now, and I loathe myself for no doubt being responsible.

“Now it’s your time to fess up. Where has your mind wandered to?”

A slight smirk tugs the corner of his mouth before sad eyes find mine. “I failed you.”

His words confuse me. How the hell does he work that out? “Care to elaborate?”

“My dad always told me I was a failure and, right now, his words have never been truer when it comes to you. I can’t even begin to describe the disappointment I have in myself because I fucking failed as a friend.”

I sit forward. “How the hell do you work that out?”

“Because if I hadn’t failed, we wouldn't be sitting here now having a conversation that we should have had years ago. You didn’t feel you could come to me.”

“Grayson, I didn’t feel I could go to anyone. It was easier to block it out than admit it. If anyone has failed here it’s me for not realizing I could turn to you, to begin with.”

His dad had been a dickhead human who’d beaten Grayson and his mother for years. I will not have him feeling guilty over something that is all my doing.

“Come here.” Getting up from the couch, I head over to where he now stands in front of me. Bringing him in for a hug, I hold him tight in my embrace. “You have nothing to feel bad about. You have been nothing less than amazing.” I pull back. “But I’m going to need you now more than ever, especially now that I’ve relapsed. Which I fucking loathe myself for.”

“But it’s something we can sort. I’m not going anywhere, bud. I’m here for you.”

I hug him again. “I love you, brother.”

And it’s true. I may not have been the greatest friend over the years because of my addiction. We’ve been through so much, and I love him as if he were my blood brother.

“Love you, too.” He steps out of the space between us and heads toward the door. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"To make amends with your sister and tell her the truth. You're not hiding from this anymore."

My chest tightens. It’s not because I have to tell her the truth about why I’ve been drinking, but because I’d promised her I never would again after I changed both of our lives forever.

I just have to hope that she will forgive me.

Again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Asher

We're met with silence as we enter Grayson and Nora’s house. There is a soft glow in the living room from the lamp in the corner, and my sister is lying curled up on the couch, a blanket covering her as she sleeps. The screen of the baby monitor shows Ava sound asleep upstairs in her crib.

Darting my eyes back to Nora, regret covers me from having her witness my downfall earlier, and I just hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me. I’ve failed her, and I hate that more than anything.

“Shortcake,” Grayson whispers, stroking his finger down her nose, something he’s always done since she was little. “Wake up, baby.”