Page 56 of Addiction

“He is. I saw him before I came up to get you. He arrived with some dude in a suit.”

Like a weight has been lifted, I feel a little more at ease knowing that Mark has arrived.

“Even so, it should be me. This is my place, yet I can’t even get my shit together and prepare myself for questions.”

“Just because it’s your place doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for everything that happens today. Everything you’re feeling is normal.”

Everything he’s saying starts to blur the longer I remain in his grip: the way his soft palm makes my skin heat; the way his dark eyes and those golden flecks captivate me; and the way the warmth of his body blends with mine.

Like a flash of lightning, all the anxiety I am consumed with leaves my core and is replaced with that familiar yearning I’ve always fought against. My heart pounds so hard that I’m struggling to breathe. Everything about this moment is making me want more yet want to run at the same time. I shouldn’t be feeling like this in the hands of another—in the hands of a man.

But I can’t pull away.

“You good?”

My only response is a nod because I’ve no words for how mesmerized this man has made me. We’ve been close, but never this close, and as much as I fear it, I like this.

“I don’t think I would have got through this if you weren’t here.”

“If at any point you want out, just say the word and we’ll go. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m right with you, Asher. I promise.”

“Thank you,” I murmur, trying to work out what the fuck is happening here, almost wanting and willing my anxiety to come back because at least then I know what I am dealing with.

As we leave the office and make our way down the stairs, I hear Mark say my name above the voices and my presence has them break into applause, shouting and cheering my name.

I’m a little taken back by the response and find salvation by looking back at Wade who is right behind me.

Taking a deep breath, I look to Mark hoping he can see that I’m not ready for the public speeches just yet. With a nod, he turns back to the crowd, who have now gathered at the foot of the metal stairs.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the man of the hour, Mr. Asher Nelson and the driving force behind Resilience. Now believe it or not, this grizzly bear of a man is a little shy, hence why I’m doing the speech.” Everyone laughs, and I shrug my shoulders in a way of making light of my anxiety. “But what I will say is that Asher has jumped through a large number of hoops to be where he is today. And I hope he doesn’t mind me saying that his life experiences and the challenges he’s faced are the very reason the gym is here. When he told me and many others of his plans, I knew I wanted to help him out, and I’m proud to be his partner at Resilience.”

“Silent partner,” I add, and again the rumble of laughter fills the space.

“Whatever. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve every faith in Asher’s imminent success and his ability to put Resilience on the map for Veterans, those in recovery and the many people who walk this life. So, without further ado—”

“I’d like to say something.” The words come out of my mouth before I even have a chance to realize what I’m doing. The room falls silent, and suddenly all I can hear is the loudness of my heart as it echoes through my body—like I’m back on the battlefield, waiting with anticipation and dread for what is to come. Only I’m not there. Not physically. So many eyes are on me, and my chest tightens the longer I make people wait.

My mind goes to Pop, and my thoughts flash back to the time I was learning to ride my bike. I must have been six, even seven, but I’d kept falling off repeatedly. His words back then ring loud and clear in me now.

“With every fall and every wound that heals, you will be stronger than you know,” I say out loud, not planning to express them to anyone but myself. Rubbing my hand over the scruff on my chin I look at those I love: Grayson, Mom, Nora… My eyes leave my sister when Wade steps forward. Holding his warm gaze, I fall into that feeling that consumes me once again. “Those were the words my pop said to me when I was just a boy after falling off my bike. I didn’t know at the time what he meant. But I guess the older I got, the deeper his words etched in my memory. In my heart. What Mark failed to elaborate on is the main reason for my new venture in life. And most of you would have seen that this place is in memory of my father: a man so great that even I took him for granted at times. There was a time when I was lost thinking alcohol was my reason. And because of that, I failed the only man I ever looked up to. This gym won’t bring my dad back, but I hope that with the help of my team and those who come to use the facilities here, the memory of Pete Nelson will live on. Because if it weren’t for him, then that boy who fell off his bike wouldn’t be here today.”

“To Pete Nelson,” Mark says. Camera flashes, cheers and applause once again fill the room and I release a heavy breath.

The firm grip on my shoulder has me turning to see Wade with what I can only place as pride in his features, and I act on instinct in placing my hand over his. No words slip between either of us and none are needed because I feel everything he hasn’t said in his touch. But as he steps away and I reach out for him, I’m greeted by my mom.

“Asher, my darling.” Mom beams as she comes up and gives me a hug, tears glistening in her eyes. “That speech was beautiful.”

“Thanks, Mom.” It’s the first time she has seen the gym. She hadn’t wanted to come down while the work was in progress. She’d wanted to wait until everything was as it should be and ready to open to the community.

“So you like it?”

“I love it, darling. I’m so proud of you.” She smiles, placing her hand on my cheek. “Your father would be, too. I wish he could be here to witness such a remarkable moment in your life.”

I smile softly, trying to hide the emotion that has just hit me unexpectedly. “I wish he were here, too.”