Page 35 of Addiction

“Wade might be able to help you decide on equipment regarding the physical therapy side of things,” Grayson says, Wade now looking at me with what can only be described as hope in his eyes.

“I’m happy to help. What is it you’re after?”

“Everything,” I add. “I thought I had knowledge but now I’m not so confident.”

“Do you want me to look it over with you?”

“Do you mind?”

“Of course not.” He’s already out of his seat and heading over. As he slides into the booth on the other side of the table, I turn my laptop around so we can share the screen.

“All right. So the first thing is how big is the place you’ve got allocated? That will give me an idea about what you will be able to house.”

I give him the dimensions and show him the plans for the gym that myself and Mark have drawn up.

“I’ve changed these plans so many times already. But I’m happy with the outcome.”

“It’s a pretty decent size. You can get a lot of equipment in there for both regular exercise and physical therapy. I never had you down as a boxer though.”

“I’m no pro but there’s no better feeling than hitting a punch bag when you’re in a shitty mood.”

“I bet.”

“I want something where people can let off some steam in a different way than running on a treadmill. With its high intensity, not only will it increase body strength but it’s an excellent way to decrease stress levels and beat out the frustrations that life can hit you with.” I pause, thinking about my recovery and how it has been so damn tough at times. “I want this place to be open and available for everyone. Physical therapy will of course be a huge part of it but, if I’m honest, I also want it to be a place where those like me can focus on goals in the journey to bettering their life. I want to provide exercise programs for those who want it for self-improvement, and those who need it.”

“You’ll want to help people in recovery, too.”

“I want to help people who have no clue where their life is taking them but for whom going to a gym is everything. And if my place provides just a small portion of solace in their lives then I will know I’ve done my job right.”

I surprise myself with how freely the words leave my body. I’ve not gone into detail about my reasons for wanting to open the rehabilitation gym other than it is in memory of Pop, but with one innocent question, Wade has the ability to get out of me why I want to do this.

He’s looking at me now in a way I can’t fathom. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You just surprise me that’s all.”

“Why?”

“Honestly? Because I thought your reasons for opening would be different. I knew the gym would be in memory of Pete but, other than that, I just assumed you were doing it because it’s an easy option. You’ve surprised me.”

“Because you don’t think I have a heart?” I ask, smiling.

“Oh, I know you have one. But I also know that you guard it well.”

He holds my gaze as he presses his bottle of beer to his lips and takes a mouthful. A feeling I can’t comprehend covers my body.

What does he mean by that?

“Pete would be proud of what you’re doing, you know?”

Like he’s just poured a bucket of ice-cold water over me, any warmth I had been feeling is now gone with his words. He wouldn’t be proud of me. Why would he be? Opening a gym in his memory won’t make up for all the times I let him down. It won’t ease the remorse that’s left my heart hollow. And more to the point, how would Wade even know?

Noticing a change in my mood, he dips his head to get my attention. “Asher. Are you okay?”

Swallowing hard, I nod. “I’m fine.”

Grayson’s laugh catches my attention, and I drag my eyes away from Wade, needing to get a grip of myself. “What’s so funny?”

“Ryan is wanting new mates because we are no longer good enough.”