Page 19 of Addiction

“Asher, I can’t tell you that you will never relapse. No addict’s recovery is an easy road. What I can tell you is the difference between then and now is you’re talking. You never did that before. You came out of rehab and not long after were sentenced. Now you’ve come out and gone back to a place that holds uncomfortable memories. You have had a bigger adjustment than most of the people I sponsor. But you’re dealing with it.”

“Is this your way of telling me you’re not concerned?”

“I wouldn’t be doing my job correctly if I wasn’t concerned. But the difference is, you’re telling me you can’t go back to that place if you relapse. It means you’re wanting to prevent it from happening. And by doing that you’re—”

“Talking about it.”

“Exactly.”

He’s right. I never had wanted to talk before. I hadn’t felt talking changed anything where alcohol did. It blurred the lines, it covered over the void and left me numb inside, until my body and mind started to control the alcohol and suddenly no amount was ever enough.

Only now, there’s a massive area of my life that I need to address, and the truth is, I don’t know where to start.

“So, I keep doing what I’m doing is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes. But give yourself a break. You’ve not been home a whole week yet. You’ve plenty of time to adjust, and in the meantime, get into a routine. Give yourself a focus—something to take your mind off things. Are you still working out?”

“I haven’t done anything since I left St Brides.”

“Then start there. Exercise will help clear your mind. Go for a run. You have freedom now.” He chuckles. “But a routine is important, Asher. You are not secluded within four walls anymore, so you don’t need to be now that you’re home either. Don’t look back or dwell on the past because you can’t change history. You need to keep moving forward. Start preparing for that life you always wanted and eventually, everything will start to fall into place.”

He’s right. Nora pretty much said the same thing yesterday when we were at the cemetery. I need to try to move on with my life now. I’d made so many plans while I was in jail and took on courses to better myself when it came to business and a career. I want the future I’ve had in mind for a while now, and I’m determined to get it. “Okay. I’m on it. Thank you, Theo.”

“No problem. I’m always at the end of a phone, Asher. No matter the time.”

“Any last minute advice?”

“Get out of the house and go for a run.”

* * *

I dry myself off after having a shower and slip into some jeans and a black T-shirt, whilst Imagine Dragons play out in my room from my iPod station. Theo was right, I’d needed to run. After hitting just shy of nine miles, I’d headed for home, wanting to spend some time with Grayson and run through my plans with him.

A part of me feels like a dick when it comes to Grayson because we’ve hardly had a chance to talk since I came home. I’d seen him most weeks when in St Brides because he’d come to visit, but I still feel like I’ve pushed him aside.

After fixing my hair in the mirror, I rummage around in one of the boxes for my cologne.

I hadn’t wanted my mom or Nora to have the stress of looking after my place, so I’d sold it just before I was sentenced. Most of my stuff had gone into storage, but Mom had held the essentials here in my old room. To compensate for feeling hopeless about not being able to do anything else, I’d split the money into three, giving Mom and Nora a third each, keeping the remaining amount to help me get back on my feet. It isn’t millions, but I’d felt I had a duty to help them while I wasn’t around. Now, I just have to do what Theo said and plan a routine, and a big part of that routine is getting back to work.

Working with Cole’s security is out of the question now, but even if it weren’t, I don’t want to work for them anyway. I want to work for myself, and I know exactly what I want to do.

As I shut off my music, I’m greeted by laughter and chatter coming from downstairs. Grayson and Nora must be here. That means Ava is here. Excitement flutters my stomach. Baby cuddles. I just love her baby cuddles.

Heading out of my room, I unexpectedly find Grayson coming out of the spare room with a baby monitor. “Hey, why does it sound like half of Virginia is down there?” I ask, the noise now louder.

“Ah. Well, that’s because Nora invited people over for a cookout.”

“Invited who?”

“Mark. Charlie. Makenna. Ryan—”

“Seriously?”

“I tried to tell her it was maybe a little too soon, but then your mom overheard and before I knew it, she was baking and Nora was texting out a message faster than a hurricane.”

I huff out a laugh.

“She means well, Ash.”