Page 1 of Addiction

CHAPTER ONE

Asher

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

I close my eyes and take a minute, waiting for that feeling they say is supposed to hit once you step over the threshold.

I wait.

And I wait.

But it’s the opposite of what I’d expected—what I’d anticipated.

There is no liberation.

There is no tranquillity.

There is not even an ounce of fucking relief.

I feel nothing but a cold, hard case of uncertainty and dread while the devil dances on my shoulder, laughing with glee—that same devil who brought death and destruction to my door in every possible form you can imagine.

My fists ball at my sides. My chest is tight. My heart is racing.

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Today is a new day. It’s supposed to be my new start—a new chapter in my life—yet here I stand, still carrying the haunts that weigh heavy. The ones that wake me in the darkest hours. The ones that taunt me like there’s no tomorrow and continue to suck the life out of me. That’s all I carry within me now and probably always will.

I may have served the last twelve months within the white walls of St Brides Correctional Centre, but the next walk I’m about to endure feels like a death sentence of its own.

Freedom.

It’s something I’ve always longed for, but my life is no bed of fucking roses. There is no sweetness to be captured. There is no color amongst the dark.

There is nothing.

I am nothing.

I will never be anything but nothing.

I drop my backpack to the ground and look up to the clear blue sky, releasing a heavy breath. The Chesapeake sun casts down on my jail-smelling body, but the warmth is doing little to erase the feeling that has blown through my chest.

I’m not ready for this: the new life I assured others I would dominate; the one they told me I deserved even when deep down I know I don’t deserve shit.

I am here because of the storm I brought to my door and my family and the only thing that is dominating me right now is fear and fucking anxiety.

When you’re locked up at night and consumed with nothing but your demons, they destroy you. I saw it in the men who congregate outside the cell walls. I saw it in those before they took their own lives.

I see it in myself.

Only my demons wounded me long before my jail sentence.