Page 100 of Gravity

When she turns to look at me, I have to fight to keep it together because I’ve never seen her so vulnerable, not even the night in the hospital.

Sitting on the ground next to her, I pull her to me, holding her so tight for my touch to shield her from the devastation.

“I’ve tried, Grayson,” she weeps. “I’m not strong.”

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

I rock us both gently as we sit underneath the tree by Pete’s graveside, stroking her hair and whispering to her that she’s safe, that I have her. When her body finally starts to calm and her tears subside, a new silence fills the space around us—one that’s so serene it relaxes us both, and we mold into each other’s embrace as the birds in the trees sing poems to each other.

“I thought he’d be here,” she whispers. “I thought Asher would be home for today. My heart is shattered. My mom is broken, and I need him. We all need him. I just don’t understand.”

Holding her tighter, I don’t answer. I don’t answer because I have no words right now. The anger in me is equaled with concern. No one close has heard from him. He’s alive, which is something. According to Mark, Jackson had managed to make contact with him after spotting him in yet another California bar and advised him to come home. But he’s still not here. With his head not in the game before he left, the death of his father and my growing concerns regarding his PTSD, I just want him home. I want him safe, but fuck me, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to grab him by the collar and pin him to the wall when he is.

“People mourn in different ways, Nora. Just because he’s not here doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”

“But what about those he left behind?”

“As harsh as it sounds, he may not be thinking about them. When you’re so wrapped up in grief, you can't see anything other than the black hole you’re staring into. I of all people know this. It’s why I treated you badly, remember? I shut the people I cared for away because I was trying to get my head around the life that has suddenly been ripped in two. I’m not making excuses for Asher—believe me, I’m so mad at him right now—but just try to understand a little.”

“But that’s hard to do when all I want is my big brother to hold me tight and tell me everything will be okay but he’s not here. All those years I hated him being so protective, and now, when I needed it the most, he’s pushed me aside like my heart doesn’t matter.”

I lift her chin making her look at me. “It matters to me. It will always matter to me.”

“I know. And I couldn’t have got through this week if it weren’t for you. I know how hard it’s been for you, too, and a part of me hates that I’ve been selfish and not considered your feelings when I’ve been fighting my own.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t ever think that. Okay? Promise me you’ll never think that.”

“I promise. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” I place my lips against her forehead, and she hugs me tighter. When her hand brushes against my jacket pocket, she stops when she feels something, and I suddenly remember what I have in there.

“What’s that?”

I’d wanted to make this day as special as it could be. I’d wanted her to have a little smile on her face for a moment while she forgot about everything else, and there was only one thing that I knew would do that.

Reaching into my pocket, I take out the small tube of bubbles. “I wasn’t sure if or when we’d get around to doing this today, but I wanted to give you these.”

“Bubbles?” she whispers.

“I know how much you and your dad loved them. It’s been a thing that you two have done ever since you were a girl. I didn’t see why today should be any different, even if he wasn’t here in person to blow them with you.”

“You got me bubbles…”

I catch a tear that falls down her cheek with my thumb as she holds the tube in her hand, studying them like she’s never seen them before.

“I’ve not done these since the day at the beach.”

“You don’t have to do them if it’s too much, baby.”

“I guess we can do them one last time.”

Her statement makes my heart ache. “No one said this has to be the last, Nora. You can do them every day if you want to. Just because your dad isn’t here doesn’t mean you can’t do them anymore.”

Cupping my jaw, her glassed eyes are filled with gratitude and her lip quivers. “Have I ever told you how special you are?”

“You’re the special one out of the two of us, and I know this past week has been the worst thing you’ve ever had to endure, but I’m so proud of you. Your dad would be, too; he always was. You are and always will be a special little lady.”

Her eyes dart back and forth between mine, her chest begins to rise and fall, and I can feel her start to withdraw from my hold on her jaw. I don’t let go. Knowing she’s becoming distressed, I hold on to her tighter, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.