Page 28 of Stay Toxic

Unknown: Dear Tia, Your second letter.

Me: HOW? And that’s not fair. Have we met??

Unknown: Dear Tia, Duh.

Me: WHEN?

Then the absolute dick leaves me hanging, not responding.

I click to change his name, hesitating, because I know his actual name now. Except, do I? I don’t know any Aureliuses. I would have remembered a name like that. He must have used a pseudonym.

I could push, but I feel like there’s a reason why this program was set up anonymously, rather than just a mentorship thing. The faculty assigned Calla Beaufort to me, and while she’s nice, we’ve only seen each other a couple of times for a coffee—long enough for her to ask me if I had any questions. Giving us someone we don’t know to chat with give us a chance at some judgement-free emotional support. I don’t think I’d be so open if I know him well.

And sure, Ari and Timothy revealed each other’s identities and met up like, the first week, but she’s Ari: bubbly, open, fun. She embraces everyone she meets immediately. I’m more guarded, and there’s no doubt that if we met in person, I’d clam up.

I decided to save him as Stranger, to keep things simple.

By the time I’ve typed it in, I have a series of answers.

Stranger: Dear Good Girl, To go back to your initial problem…make a second profile, block your friends from the first, except whoever you trust to only tag you in content-appropriate shit.

Stranger: I can’t believe I have to tell you that. Pretty sure every 13 year old knows the drill.

Stranger: Never, ever like any family / friends of the fam thing from your parent-appropriate social.

…oh. That sounds deceptively simple, and yet, I can’t see any reason why it wouldn’t work. Maybe when Iwasthirteen and Mother Dearest was more vigilant, that would have been an issue, especially since she knew my friends back then, but in a different city, a different state, there’s no reason why that wouldn’t work.

That means I can’t add Tanya on the new account, but she’ll understand.

Me: Dear Mentor, Huh. That might work. I would never have tried back home but she is pretty far away now.

Me: Thank you? I’m kinda expecting a trick. How come you’re helpful? Are you feeling okay?

I don’t know why I can’t just be nice, especially since nice is my default setting for everyone else. I guess his first letter made it so I’m incapable of talking to him with anything other than heavy sarcasm.

He doesn’t reply for the rest of the day, so I just get back to work, not admitting to myself that I miss the banter.

At least, he made me feel better about missing the pool party.

By the evening, I tell myself it’s a good thing I didn’t go. Sebastian was flirting with me last night. That can’t be good. I adore Ari; I can’t do that to her. They might be open when it comes to sex and all, but I’m not. It would mean something to me, so I’m not going there.

Maybe I can’t stop myself from having a bit of a crush on her man, but I can damn well choose not to do anything about it. That’d be a lot harder when he’s singling me out, whispering things to me, and looking at me like he wants to take a bite.

Sunday’s better. Tanya has a show in the evening, but we do brunch—though she sticks to orange juice, while I have two glass of Prosecco. She has a fair bit to say about Sebastian, as I expected.

“To be fair,” my friend tells me, “he flirts when Ari’s around. Maybe they have an understanding, you know? An open relationship. Or maybe they’re just fucking.”

I wrinkle my nose. I thought as much. “Even if that’s the case, I don’t want to be anyone’s spare girl. Not again.”

Tanya nods. She knows all about Robert and me. I suppose, in that specific case, I was the main girl—the one he took to his parents and openly dated. But there’s never been any doubt that he prefers his lover, Chrissy.

I only learned about her freshman year of college, and honestly? Part of me didn’t mind. I neverlikedRobert. He was just that guy Senator Cole approved of. I could date him, or face reprisals. But then, Robert pushed for sex, and I suppose I did believe we were in a relationship. It didn’t hurt myfeelingsmuch, given the fact that they’re completely flat when it comes to Rob, but my pride didn’t like it.I know I’m just not the sharing type from that whole ordeal.

Chrissy is one of the reasons I managed to convince him we should take a break—and as the idea came from him, officially, Mother Dearest couldn’t say anything. She threw in a few disparaging comments about my weight—how do I expect to keep a man if I can’t control my diet?—but in the end, she didn’t have much of a say.

Robert promised he just wanted a few years to sow his wild oats when he was in grad school, and that he’d marry me after college, so Mother’s appeased. Though she did let me come to California partially in the hopes that being close to Rob would ensure I’d keep him interested, no doubt with the occasional blowjob or something. He’s in LA for his MBA.

“Damn straight,” Tanya says proudly. “You’re no one’s second anything.”