Page 12 of Sick Little Devotion

The morning light streams into my room, and I shake off my drowsiness. I flip back the covers and swing my legs over the edge. A heavy breeze wafts through, and I turn my head.

Oh shit. Why is the window open?

My stepdad will be pissed if he sees me with my window open—and so would Aiden, if he was around. He would tell me that’s just asking for something bad to happen. I don’t know why I’m thinking about him so much right now. It’s frustrating, and I rush to the window and slam it shut.

I don’t remember opening it, but I probably did. It can get stuffy in my room. The air conditioner never works the best back here—and no one cares. I flip the locks on the window and turn back. I need to get ready for work.

I strip down and feel a gush of something between my legs. What the fuck? I drop my underwear and blink as something heavy and white fills my underwear. I frown. Yesterday, when I found my underwear in a similar state, I brushed it off as stupid PMS symptoms. It must be that again. Besides, I do remember my vivid lucid dream last night.

That’s probably the evidence of it.

Maybe I should go back to therapy. I purse my lips at that thought and put on a pair of fresh underwear, light-washed jeans, and a restaurant T-shirt. I should be going to school and doing something better with my life, but I’ll do that once the girls are out of here. I’ve got savings. It’s just a matter of time.

A knock on the door startles me as I am attempting to tame my hair, pulling it back into a ponytail.

“Come in,” I say, preparing to see one of the girls. I take them to school every morning and pick them up—all while working in between and after.

“Is someone coming to see you?”

I’m surprised to see Will standing in the doorway, and I can feel my body immediately contracting at the sight of him, though I've grown accustomed to it by now.

“Um… What?”

“Do I really have to repeat myself?” he snarls. “Is someone coming to see you at night?”

My eyes flick to the window. “No, they’re not.”

“Why’s your window open all the time then?”

I shake my head, out of confusion. “It just gets stuffy back here. It’s not a big deal. I don’t mean anything by it. I’ll make sure it stays shut.”

He nods, his face taking on a strange expression. “You ever talk to that kid anymore?”

“What kid?” I choose to play stupid. I know who he’s talking about, but Aiden isn’t a kid anymore. He’s a grown ass man. If he’s still alive. Well, I know he’s still alive. I haven’t found an obituary, either.

“The kid that lived in this house for way too long,” he scoffs at me. “You think I didn’t know you two were up to no good together?”

“He was my bro—”

“Oh don’t.” He takes a full step into my room. “Nothing that happened between the two of you was like siblings. I know what I saw, and that’s a big reason—and your fault— he had to go.”

I keep my mouth shut. I’m tempted to let him really have it. But that might get me kicked out, and while that would be a relief in some ways, it wouldn’t keep the girls safe. I have to make this work for a while longer.

“I’m going to trust you,” Will says, though his voice is harsh and hardly comforting. “But I’ve talked with Bill and a few others, and I’ve heard them say they’ve seen that piece of shit around town.”

My heart drops, and I know the intense pang of shock and hurt shows on my face—but at least he knows now that I’m not lying. “Oh.”

His brows furrow. “It’s best he stays away. This house is much happier without him, Sahara. Even your mom doesn’t drink nearly as much.”

I can’t argue with him because it might be true. I don’t know. I don’t try to figure it out, either. I don’t want to.

“Keep your window shut.”

“Yes, sir.”

With that, he turns around and leaves my room. I plop down on my bed, feeling lost at the mention of Aiden being seen around town. Is he really here? Is it true? I mean, I always wondered if he was slinking around the city and avoiding me, but I had secretly hoped that he had gone far, far away. I can’t imagine running into him in the city and not falling apart right then and there. It would be soul crushing—and probably mean nothing to him.

He doesn't want you.